This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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