is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
