he told me I talked like a deaf person
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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