grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
