If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Randomize
