GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
