i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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