Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
