Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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