the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
