Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
