He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
