Ambien. No doubt about it.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
