Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Are my feet made of real feet?
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
