I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
