I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
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