why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
