Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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