I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
