He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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