i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
