Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
