For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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