...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
