My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Hippo gnu deer
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
