you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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