For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
