we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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