kristin has been a bad kristin
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
