she peed on how many people?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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