so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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