Umm I'm too high to move.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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