..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
