Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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