what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
