apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
