I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
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