i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
