I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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