Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
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