I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
