Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
