It's Friday. Sex?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
