i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
