so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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