waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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