As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
