You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
