turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
