u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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