All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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