Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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