dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
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the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
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I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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