I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Randomize
