It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
