How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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