You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
