first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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