a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize