so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
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You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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