I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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