did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
