i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
The adults are the big ones right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
