I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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