you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
