Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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