Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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