exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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