Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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