Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
it was like eating out sand paper
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
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